pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
