So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Shame - the story of my life.
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