im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i drank out of a bidet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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