at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
how does that bad decision feel?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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