Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Too much gin, very little bucket
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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