for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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