By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
