Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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