Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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