every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
