OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
