Fuck appropriateness.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
