fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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