i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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