Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
