how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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