I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
