I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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