Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
