Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
