is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
