Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry about my life...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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