Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
