I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
