So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
