oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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