We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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