Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
