just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
