and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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