can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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