i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
