So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
