fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
