You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I understand Curling. That high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
