I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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