did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
