Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
