I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
smell my finger.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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