I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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