I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
