About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
