You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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