Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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