There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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