so explain again why im purple
no
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
