i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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