3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
