so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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