those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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