In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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