So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
