can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
