OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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